1. Any self moving effort is cruelly inefficient
Dating requires intelligence.
A self moving sacrifice, even if it exhausts oneself with all one’s heart and soul, will at best give you a good person card and a reward for hard work and achievements, as long as it is not what the other person really needs. But if you hope to move the other person through self sacrifice and make them unable to live without you, occasionally recalling your actions will make you grateful .. . Don’t think about it, just wash up and sleep.
2. Judging how much someone cares about you is not about how good they are to you when they are good, but how bad they are to you when they are bad
In a calm and comfortable state, one can pretend that when a person is in a good mood, they can fully control their emotions and behavior. They can perform whatever they like, and the CEO of the Milk Dog can switch freely and say appropriate love words.
On the contrary, when a person is emotionally invested and not controlled by morality and purpose, they will reveal their true nature and reveal their instinctive emotions towards you.
3. Even in an intimate relationship, one must grasp the appropriate scale, otherwise the extreme will be reversed
In intimate relationships, the purpose of throwing away boundaries is to make the two more intimate; But often, the result is to push the other party further and further away.
The intimacy of a relationship is reflected in the distance between hearts, in the respect and maintenance of each other, and in the irreplaceability of personal value; It is not a moral blackmail of privacy and will, nor is it a forced wishful thinking.
People need privacy and freedom of will. Don’t go against human nature when dating, otherwise the person who loves you again will consume their good feelings and leave.
4. Most changes in relationships occur silently
The warming or deterioration of most relationships occurs silently.
Perhaps I thought you were indispensable yesterday, but after getting to know you better, I realized that you are not that irreplaceable either; But he will not immediately show his emotional changes, and will pretend that nothing has happened, but his evaluation of you will change in his heart.
So, never hold onto a mentality of luck, and making a solemn vow is not the greatest guarantee for a relationship; The real decision-making power lies in the genuine interaction and daily communication between both parties when they are together.
Every stroke is recorded in the feelings and impressions, and cannot be forgotten.
5. The long-term relationship between people relies on commonality and attraction, not on prayer and compromise
Any aspect of love is not forced, it must come naturally.
You think getting married is the guarantee, so you urge your partner to get married every day; You think gentleness is what you like, so you don’t allow the other person to have any temper; You believe that keeping a distance from all members of the opposite sex is the key to self love, so you simply delete their opposite sex friends.
But in fact, these are all your forced behaviors, conflicts that arise between you and his behavior itself, rather than the other party voluntarily doing it and taking the initiative to do it.
The result of your coercion, no matter how perfect or satisfactory it may be, is essentially a temporary solution without addressing the root cause. So, if you want to achieve any result, start from yourself and do the process that should have produced the result.
6. Anyone who has been in a relationship for a long time will get tired of it. We need to establish a positive attitude and strategies to accept mediocrity
Eating only one dish, wearing one piece of clothing, and doing repetitive work every day is something that everyone will get tired of. This is logical common sense.
Some people may take this common sense as the standard for love failure. If they find that the other person is tired, they will give up on themselves and be unable to move forward; But in fact, the calmness after the passion recedes is the real test of whether both sides are suitable to work together.
In other words, if you have been in love a hundred times, you will get tired of it a hundred times – so, because the essence of love is not passion above desire, but understanding and appreciation after passion.
Instead of being anxious, it’s better to think carefully about how to make mundane things come alive, after all, this is your real life.
7. Subjective feelings may change, but the attraction generated by objective values does not
Subjective feelings are an ideology and a special filter for the emergence of love. During a specific period of time, they create a halo effect and blind worship towards a particular person – something that others may not be able to do, but they can do; When others use vulgar language, they feel lacking in quality, while when they use vulgar language, they feel genuine.
But subjective feelings are temporary and unstable. One day, you will remove those unreasonable and capricious filters and see the real other person.
At this point, the objective value of the other party becomes particularly important and can even determine whether both parties can continue to move forward. When his objective value is high enough and he has truly attractive traits, you will find the feeling of the moment in these traits, which will give you a continuous drive to keep going.
8. When love changes, respect the results, face them, and don’t deceive yourself
Love is a flowing emotion, it can be intense and also fade away.
So, no matter how sweet your current relationship is, cherish it and leave a place to prepare for the worst. For example, never give up on personal growth and self-improvement, and never give up on the careful management of relationships. This is a retreat and self-protection.
Once it is discovered that the relationship between both parties has deteriorated and cannot be reconciled, the best way is to respect the outcome and leave with dignity. Instead of standing there hysterically, deceiving oneself and others in the face of an irreparable pile of garbage, allowing the other party to harm oneself.
This is not embarrassing, but a lack of self love.
9. Between bottom line and lover, please choose bottom line
Remember one sentence: The person who truly loves you will not try to break through your bottom line when given a choice, let alone intentionally make things difficult for you.
So, it’s better to say that the bottom line and the lover are inherently non intrusive and not in conflict with each other. If there is a conflict, then he did it intentionally.
10. Expressing liking and warmth directly is more effective in bringing two people closer than suspicion and probing
After establishing a romantic relationship, when facing someone who truly likes you, be honest and generous in expressing your love. Compared to the sarcastic and manipulative nature of playing hard, the former will make him happier.
Especially, the longer two people spend time together, the more they need to embrace each other for warmth, create sweet candy in their mundane lives, and make the other person feel a sense of existence and identity from you.
It is not only through anxiety and frustration that love is deeply ingrained in one’s heart.
