I don’t know how many times this sentence has been said every time we go on a bad date, especially when we meet a few unsuitable people? Dating can be exhausting at times, to the point where one feels like they’re wasting their life every time. You may have had moments when you wanted to give up, and even started to feel like you were destined to be alone for a lifetime.
You may exchange stories of “dating disasters” with your friends. Although sharing these stories can make everyone laugh out loud, when it comes to truly experiencing them, at most they feel bored, and at worst, they are simply exhausted and anxious.
We always like to use some “positive spiritual chicken soup” to cheer ourselves up, trying to make these troubles more common, as if everyone has similar troubles. Occasionally, this approach is effective, but sometimes it only makes people more frustrated.
But in fact, there is a way to make dating easier, as long as we learn to learn from it and not feel like we are losing our dignity and rationality every time. As long as you master some practical tips and maintain the right mindset, you can not only better understand yourself, but also have a better chance of finding that special person.
Here are some practical tips to help you smoothly get through modern dating:
1. Make wise choices and do not act impulsively blindly
You may think that to fall in love with someone, you have to weigh the pros and cons, which is not romantic, right? Yes, a teenage girl may fall in love with the boy next door riding a motorcycle and wearing a leather jacket, but how many times is such a situation truly happy? As we grow older, we learn more rational thinking and no longer easily waste time on those who are not worth it.
If you start to like someone, first think carefully about why you like them. Is it because of his charming blue eyes? Don’t let first impressions affect your overall judgment of him. If he breaks up quickly every time he has a girlfriend, you may not be the “exception” that can change him.
If you have common friends, it’s best to ask them more about their opinions on this person. Don’t rush into the relationship, instead spend more time in the stage of mutual understanding. People always reveal their true colors, and when they show their side, remember to believe them.
The people who have the best relationships don’t know any secrets, but they make wise choices. This choice will determine whether you will reap a beautiful love or be repeatedly heartbroken. Choose someone who truly wants to be with you, rather than just thinking about fleeting passion, in order to avoid unnecessary pain and achieve the relationship you truly want.
2. Do not date “potential stocks”
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
We women may sometimes make a mistake of liking those ‘potential stock’ boys. We always feel like an exception, thinking that as long as we ‘love’ him enough, we can change him. Actually, changing someone is not your responsibility, nor is it your obligation.
If a boy tells you that he is not the type who wants a long-term relationship, it is not challenging you. Remember, when he tells you something about yourself, trust him. Don’t waste precious time and emotions trying to change someone and make them fit your ideal life.
Find someone who looks like you want and shares the same goal. You don’t need to be exactly the same, but at least you need to be on the same channel, and you need to like how he looks now. If everything doesn’t change, you can accept it. Wasting time on someone who is not suitable for you is of no benefit to oneself.
Don’t try to change him, and don’t tell yourself that ‘once you change XYZ, he’s perfect’. You are dating someone, not the ‘possible’ version of them. Remember this.
3. Put the past baggage outside the door
There is nothing more magical than time to clarify the past relationship. It’s really hard for you to see the whole picture after just ending a relationship. That’s why giving oneself enough time to deal with a previous relationship is the wise way to move towards a new one.
If fate leads you to meet a new person before fully recovering from your previous relationship, then please protect them and not bring your previous emotional baggage into this new relationship. Don’t bring old problems from the past into a new relationship. Past relationships may hurt you, which is normal. You can choose to give yourself enough time to recover before starting over.
For example, suppose your previous boyfriend always disrespected your time. Whether or not this is the main reason for the breakup, you will now be particularly sensitive to this issue. Remember, your new boyfriend should not be held responsible for your ex’s disrespect. If he is five minutes late for the movie, don’t immediately get angry with him, give him some trust, and relax your mindset.
4. Utilize friends’ friends
It’s really difficult to meet new people in today’s world. Although we have been in touch more than ever through social media and other means, how long has it been since you last had face-to-face communication with strangers in one place? Meeting people at a bar sometimes feels like taking a chance. Although some people are very successful with dating apps, for others, it’s simply a nightmare.
A often overlooked way to meet new people is through the people around you – your friends. You can ask your friends who have partners if their husbands or boyfriends have any single good friends. This method is not only simple, but you are also unlikely to date a super strange person.
Of course, sometimes friends may act as “moon elders” with good intentions, but the result may be a mistake. But in most cases, they will genuinely consider your needs and recommend a good option to you.
5. Enjoy the time of being single
Sometimes, people in love also fantasize about a single life. Remember, this is your opportunity to enjoy freedom, seize the present moment. You can completely decide your own schedule, and all decisions are up to you. Now you have a lot of alone time, which may become very precious in the future.
Although we often think that another person can ‘complete’ oneself, in reality, the person who truly makes you happy is yourself. Whether you are in a relationship or single, the same principle applies. By taking good care of yourself and accepting yourself now, you are laying the foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the future.
6. Don’t pretend to be someone else
When we start dating, especially when we like someone, it’s always easy to want to show our best side. Although it’s not wrong to try to showcase your strengths, don’t over package yourself. In the first few dates, you may think it’s okay to pretend to be some kind of “ideal self”, but over time, you will feel very tired.
Moreover, doing so not only exhausts you, but may also bring pain in the future. In the end, your true face will be revealed because you cannot always disguise yourself unless you are truly a super cunning scammer. If you honestly showcase yourself from the beginning, you can avoid this conflict. And you will also enjoy the genuine joy that the other person appreciates you for who you are.
7. Be the best version of yourself
Take good care of yourself. Whether it’s mental, physical, or emotional health, it’s all your own responsibility. Every minute you spend becoming a better version of yourself is an investment in the future.
When single, you have more time to improve yourself. You can cultivate some good habits that not only make you better, but also continue into future relationships. For example, if you find that taking a hot bath with lavender essential oil every night can help you calm down and reflect on yourself – that’s the self-care time you can continue to have in love.
Not everyone will like you
Every boy you like may not necessarily have feelings for you. This is not a personal attack against you, nor does it mean that you have any problems. You may not be suitable.
If you have ever rejected a boy, you understand this. Just because you don’t want to develop a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have any prejudice against them.
If there is anyone in the world who has never experienced rejection, that person may not have had a real life at all. Bravely stepping out of one’s comfort zone and encountering new people and things is a very important part of life. Although avoiding harm can prevent you from getting hurt, it also means losing opportunities for growth.
9. Don’t intentionally let men pursue you
Playing the game of “play as you please” is a manipulative game. If you attract the interest of a boy in this way, the relationship is likely to be filled with more psychological games in the future. Don’t make yourself so complicated, express your feelings directly.
Of course, being too proactive can also make the other person feel uncomfortable, but you can subtly let them know how you feel. For example, keeping eye contact with him for a few more seconds, smiling at his little jokes, or getting as close to him as possible when in the same room.
For a boy, taking the initiative requires courage. If you can let him know that you have a good impression of him, he will have more confidence in pursuing you.
10. Learn to truly connect
Chatting about gossip and trivial matters is not only boring, but also tiring. Communicating sincerely and from within is actually easier. Although it may be a bit scary at first, this is the only way to establish deep relationships with others. Once you show vulnerability, the other person is more likely to open up.
Everyone desires true connection. We hope to share our thoughts, hopes, and fears. Someone must start the conversation first, and that person could be you. Sometimes, boys are more likely than girls to pretend to be strong and conceal their true feelings. Once you speak up first, he will feel that he can do the same thing with peace of mind.
Of course, you don’t need to immediately reveal all your secrets until you confirm that the other person is trustworthy. You can start with some small but personalized topics. Casual and mischievous jokes may be fun, but no one wants them to become an eternal state of your relationship.
11. Maintain confidence
The saying ‘good people always lose in the end’ and ‘women always like bad boys’ actually reflect not only some prejudice, but also a deeper issue of confidence. Just as you will be attracted to a confident and self assured man, men will also find confident women very attractive.
Instead of thinking about “moving” the other person on a date, it’s better to take a deep breath and think about your own strengths. When I went, I thought he was here to try to impress you.
If you feel a bit lacking in confidence, then “pretend” to have confidence. Most of the time, the way you pretend to be looks like real confidence. Imagine yourself as a confident version and then go be that woman.
12. Don’t become the kind of person who says’ all boys are scum ‘
Having hostility towards the entire male population is often because you have been hurt in the past. Just as you don’t want to be put in the same basket as every woman you know, men also don’t want to be generalized with all other men.
If you find yourself involuntarily resentful just because the other person is a boy, then you may need to pause your dating life. Boys are innocent unless you personally prove that they are not trustworthy. If you are still unable to have a preconceived notion, it may be because you have not yet dealt with the pain of your previous relationship. Moreover, until you can face the new relationship with a blank slate mentality, this relationship will not bring too much joy to you.
13. Don’t stay in an ‘unclear’ relationship
In the current YP culture, many relationships are in a gray area. Sometimes, girls don’t want the other person to feel clingy, so they avoid engaging in conversations that can clarify the relationship. This is the most convenient for guys who just want to play, but it can make you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of.
If you want a true relationship, it’s best to express it clearly from the beginning. If a boy tells you he doesn’t like labels, believe him! This is not a negotiable condition.
If he told you from the beginning that he didn’t want a relationship, then you should be grateful that you found out so quickly and quickly withdrew. If he hesitates about this matter, don’t waste time either. Either he is willing to date seriously, or he is unwilling.
14. Treat it as a learning experience
The end of a relationship does not necessarily mean failure. Many people appear in your life, perhaps to help each other at some stage. No matter what the outcome is, you will continue to grow through these experiences. Even a bad first date can teach you something.
If you don’t experience some ups and downs, then you are stagnant. The only way to understand oneself and know what kind of partner one wants is to try. Whether it’s a tumultuous relationship or a gradually disappearing one, it will change you and help you get closer to who you will be when you eventually meet the right person.
15. Manage your emotions well
This may be the simplest suggestion on the list, but if you can do it, it will make everything else smoother. Whether you are currently single or in a relationship, the most important thing is to learn to accept yourself and stay comfortably in your own state of life. Happy and positive people are always particularly attractive, and no one wants to be with someone who is always depressed and full of negative energy.
No matter who or what you have in your life, stay calm and happy, and focus on yourself. You are a complete individual, ironically, when you realize this yourself, others will also be attracted to you.
I hope these dating advice can help you find and maintain the love you’ve always wanted. But I also want to remind you that there are two critical moments in a relationship that will determine whether your relationship can last or whether it will ultimately break. At some point, a boy will ask himself: Is this the woman I am willing to commit to? His answer will determine everything
